Say You Will
by ifyoueverlovedmeyouwill
Summary: Eli's devoted to moving on from the storm of his previous relationship with Clare Edwards, but when their paths collide once again will he be able to fully move on or be sucked right back in? Can he trust a faltered foundation or will she let him fall?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story! It started off as a oneshot…but I think I'll make it into a full story :) **

She's not the first one here. Not anymore. She comes in with the crowd as I've been sitting here for maybe five minutes. I haven't necessarily been waiting for her. Because this is where I'm supposed to be as well. But at the same time I feel like now days I just come to see her. She sets her bag down gracefully by her desk, doing that little nod she does to move the cinnamon curls out of her porcelain face. I watch her as she pulls out her notebook out and onto her desk, opening to whatever she is looking for and stares down at it, her head resting in her open hand. And I can't help but feel bad for her. It was common for the girl to turn in her seat, smiling effortlessly, and speaking to the peers around her. But not lately. Not this year at all, actually.

The summer changed her. Life hasn't been kind to that once precious smile. Her world has been crumbling. Her friends have moved on. Her lover…her brother? Her family's been torn and replaced. She has new fears, worries. I can tell by the way she carries herself. And it takes all of my strength not to just go over and ask her how she is. Ask her if I can help. Ask her if there is even one tiny little thing I could do for her. But I already know the answer to that painful question. _I just need space. _That's what she'll say. That's what she said so long ago.

And since then I have been everything less than her saviour. Her comforter. Her protector. I've become the least of her concerns. The least of her thoughts. The least of her longing glances or angelic words. I'm nothing. I'm her nothing. I furrow my brow as I watch her shiver a bit, the sight making me a little too curious. Was she cold? They should turn the heat up. Was she sick? She should be told to go home and sleep. Was she…crying? What could they say to that? They can't say anything to that. I wish I could, but I can't. She picked up her pencil, starting to scribble on the paper before her. I study her, trying to figure out what could possibly be going through that mind of hers. God I wish I knew.

And people look at me like it's all my fault. For the demons that haunt her. The way people see her now. Some think that I'm solely responsible for any troubled thought the angel may have. Because I ruined her. I am the one who has caused her so much pain. I pulled her in and made her fall in love. In a false love. I took her with me on a journey for only my advantage. I manipulated her to get only what I had wanted and in the end I broke her. Drug her name through the mud and ridiculed her from a public platform. Made her relive what she had tried to abandon and just shoved it all in her face and tried to plead insane. Their harsh words invade my soul and ravish every part of my being. Their consonants as sharp as blades tearing through my now breaking skin and hitting my veins. Because deep inside I believe that the rumours are more than words tossed around in casual conversation. Their truth. Reality. But there's always that part of my mind that reminds me that none of my actions could have plausibly been purposeful. Why would you try to hurt the ones you love most? But I did. And I hate every moment that I spent trying to get her attention in all the wrong ways.

Her paper is shadowed by a woman now standing next to her desk, the presence making the girl jump. _Don't scare her like that_. And finally, as the girl turns her head to look up to her superior, at first a bit confused. But as the woman speaks, the girl's face becomes more…aware, and excited…happy. I find myself grinning as she does as she gives a polite "thank you" and turns back to her writing. Now she's sitting a bit taller, a bit more confident and I can only wonder what news could make the girl so joyful. I could only wish I could make her smile like that even just once more. But it's no longer my place. I lost that privilege long ago when I messed up her world. I messed up her smile. The look on her face when she left me will be forever imprinted in my mind. And all I can think is about how sorry I am. I'm so sorry._ I never meant to hurt you. That was never my intention. I never meant to fail you. I never meant to scare you. I never meant to suffocate you. I never meant to, if only you'd believe that. _And if I ever had any type of second chance I'd show her that.

Because in reality even if I don't seem to show it this one thing is true: I never stopped caring. Because you know you truly care for someone when you have to continuously convince yourself that you don't. But I just can't. And people try to push that aside. They try to consider all of that another act to my evil script that they don't know I stopped writing the night I finally realized the damage I had created. What I thought would be the final breakdown. And even if it wasn't, I still mark that night as a turning point. Not a turning point in my feelings but in my behaviour. I've always loved the darling girl and there's nothing that will ever change that. No power on earth or any other realm that could seize that powerful emotion and revelation. You never just stop loving someone. Either you always will, or you never did in the first place. I love Clare Diane Edwards right now and forevermore. But in light of that moment I have tried every possible way to carry on. Because life is short, time is fast. There are no rewinds or replays. So you have to try your very best to enjoy every moment of it. And even if the girl haunts my every thought of what love should be I have to remember that I can't waste my time feeling sorry for myself. I have to take that time to get up and move forward. And that's what I intend to do.

My thoughts were snapped in half instantly as I heard her name spoken among the chaos through my mind. "Finally, Clare Edwards," the woman spoke, the name sounding as fragile as glass. "And Eli Goldsworthy." My heart sped up. And? This must be some sort of mistake- "You will be partners for this assignment. Please get to work." My body stiffened, my thoughts froze and my eyes widened. This wasn't in any way possible. Certainly Clare wouldn't allow it. I watched the girl turn in her chair, looking to the back of the room…back…to me. Her breathtaking eyes so soft and loving. And her lips…turning up into a smile. But not like the last smile. This one was more…welcoming. Soothing. Happy? _This is your chance. This is your second chance. _I brushed the thought aside and held my breath as she walked carefully over to me, sitting in the chair in front of my desk and facing me, leaning gently on my desk. Her eyes shone right into mine and I could almost feel myself leaning into her. I gripped the sides of my desk casually, forcing myself to stay put. But she was so captivating. So beautiful. So gentle-

"Earth to Eli," she laughed, the sound like music in my ears. "Should we get started?"

"Get…started?" I asked a bit dumbly, kicking myself for the reply. She rolled her eyes playfully and picked up the book I had completely blocked from my vision somehow and flipped the pages in front of my face.

"Yeah .On our project? _Awakening_. Chapter four. Hey, it's a feminist, tragic story. This project should be easy for us." I smiled gently, moving my hand to take the book from her, my fingertips brushing against hers every so lightly. And caught a bit off guard, I saw her cheeks turn a very faint shade of pink. I had to almost convince myself the action had actually happened. But nonetheless…I was pleased. _Ask to start over_. _Start from where you left off_. I brushed the thought aside once again, flipping the novella open to the fourth chapter and skimmed the lines, staling glances at the girl what felt like every other second only to find her eyes staring at mine. But instead of setting the book down on my desk, I simply raised it higher so my eyes were hidden, my actions resulting in a slight laugh from the girl in front of me. _This could be interesting._

**Hope you guys like it so far! Please tell me what you think! **

**Also, I just made a tumblr as well! ifyoueverlovedmeyouwill (.) tumblr (.) com. Thanks again! ~Tressa**

**P.S. The first one to pick out all of realeli's tweets in this chapter wins. ;) **


	2. Possibilities

**Chapter Two! A bit longer and more interactive! The last chapter was more of an intro, I guess. Now it's more like a story! Hope you like it and thanks for all of the support so far! **

My surroundings were unfamiliar as I had never seen this place in my life, being brought here a bit against my will. I spun around a few times, taking in every little piece of scenery I could before running ahead, any movement that wasn't created by my shadow making me falter for a moment. But I didn't have room to backtrack, no room to fall or to screw up. I had this one moment and this one chance. I paused, leaning my back against a wall and squatting down, my knees close to my pounding chest. I flinched at every sound, at every movement. And I waited. Patiently. Quietly. Frozen.

I kept my eyes above the line as I watched. I saw a bit of movement from the corner of my eye and immediately tensed up, bringing the cold metal in my hands closer to my body and facing away from me. Slowly, I turned in the direction of the sight and leveled my head to get a clear look. I saw the jerk again and positioned myself ever so carefully. This was going to have to be quick, precise and perfect if I was going to make it right. _Just a little closer…_

The second the object appeared in my view, I quickly pressed my fingers into the weapon, the impact sending me flying backwards a bit and into some crumbled brick wall. The sound forced by the gunshot was loud, echoing throughout the room. I smirked to myself as I saw the blood now in a pool around the body that had fallen to the ground in defeat, now lifeless before me. And in that moment, I had a sense of victory that I hadn't felt in a long while. This was a moment I could be proud of. Even if it was just-

"Dude! You don't shoot me, I'm on your _team_!" Shaking my head, I blinked a few times looking at the man covered in blood above the line and below, realizing my now obvious mistake and felt a bit…idiotic. The boy beside me side, somewhat tossing his controller to the ground and looked over at me, an eyebrow raised like he was awaiting some sort of explanation. I just shrugged, leaning forward and pressing the green button on the gaming device that slowly turned red, the image of the dead soldier on my screen disappearing instantly.

"Sorry, I didn't know it was you." Adam just rolled his eyes and leaned back on the couch, spreading his arms out on the back cushions and closed his eyes peacefully. I turned my head to look at him and chuckled. "Passing out on me already, soldier? We haven't even watched any MMA or had dinner yet."

A smile appeared on my friend's face and his eyes opened wide. "Pizza?" he asked, and I nodded. Our tradition was being kept. A night full of violent gaming sprees, all we could eat pizza and pay-per-view fights. And it seemed like the perfect distraction from all that had happened earlier that day. I stood up, going into the kitchen and getting the still warm pizza off the counter and brought it over to the living room with napkins. As soon as I set the box down, Adam was opening the lid and grabbing a slice of the meat lover's combo.

I followed his actions and grabbed the remote, turning the channel to our show and sat back into my couch. It was nights like these that I was extremely fond of. Where I could just sit back, relax and have not a care in the world. Adam seemed to have that effect on me. Besides Cece, he was really the only person in my life at that moment who could make me totally unwind and cool off. I felt bad, though. Horrible, really. For all that I had put him though. That he had to put up with an extremely bipolar best friend, having to calm me down whenever I had an outbreak. But every time I tried to apologize, he just brushed the words off and told me that that's what he was there for. Though I know his words are meant to be reassuring, I still can't help but feel a pain in my chest for dragging him through all my problems.

"You have third period English, right?" Adam asked in between bites of his now third slice of pizza. I nodded, taking another slice for myself. Though Adam and I weren't in the same class, we still took the same course and were able to discuss whatever assignments we had to complete. It was a good little arrangement we had, since we'd never been assigned partners for editing by this teacher so we helped each other out during lunches and study periods on the days we had free. "Sweet, so what chapter were you assigned? Lance and I were assigned chapter three. We have to create some kind of musical piece of the scene where Edna is sitting on the porch listening to the waves. Not sure how that's gonna work out."

I took another bite of my pizza and nodded. Lance was in my grade, someone who I had in a few of my classes. He was a pretty nice guy when it came to at least school work or gossip that he heard in the hallways. I remembered back to one of the earlier months in the year when I had walked into my Home Ec room after being switched there from art as an elective and just received a few stars and whispers from people as I entered late. Lance just slid to the seat next to him at the long desk he was assigned to and patted the spot next to him, welcoming me to sit down. So for Adam to have the chance to work with someone like Lance, I knew he wouldn't be let down.

"He plays classical piano," I mentioned, bringing up an earlier discussion I'd had with the boy before. "You could play out a piece that has highs and lows, I guess kind of like waves? Does that make sense?" I tried to explain my thoughts a bit, not knowing too much about piano or music myself. But I'm sure if Adam said even just that bit of information to Lance he'd know what to do in a heartbeat. Adam nodded quickly in agreement and signaled to me, wanting to know what my project was about. I pressed my lips together a bit and cleared my throat. The project had made me heat up inside a bit as I initially read it, memories flooding back into my brain with a mix of emotions I didn't really wish to encode. "I have to create a scene in which Edna's feelings are displayed in a modern time fashion about not fitting in with the aristocratic women around her and how she feels a bit out of place against her friend Adele and her husband Leonce. We're allowed to create new characters and a new setting but keep the overall theme parallel…and film it."

"Sounds right up your ally," Adam laughed. "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, Master Playwright. You'll get an A on the project for sure." The boy leaned over to the table, grabbing a napkin and wiped the crumbs off of his hands and shirt before throwing the paper cloth into the now empty cardboard pizza box. I finished my last slice as Adam leaned back again, half watching the MMA fight, half listening to me. "Who's your partner?"

I opened my mouth but the words instantly stalled. I knew what Adam's reaction would be to my answer. The same response I had, had. Raised eyebrows, a bit of a dropped jaw and a pondering mind. "Um…Clare." I saw my friend's body tense up ever so slightly followed by a slow effort to face me. I watched his eyebrow arch up as suspected and his blank expression he'd had before become that of what seemed to be worry. He knew the effects that the girl had on me. God. _Everyone_ knew the effects she had on me. Adam and I rarely ever spoke about her and only did so in remembrance of an event or Adam talking about how his week had gone, noting he'd hung out with her. At first, after the break up, Adam never mentioned hanging out with Clare because he knew that it would only cause the pang in my chest to rise up again, wishing that I could somehow have been with him. The days of the three of us watching the stars were long gone and I had to realize that it wasn't just me who was upset over them, but also Adam. He had stayed friends with both of us but it was still hard that he couldn't hang out with the three of us together. But he understood the circumstance and never pushed that boundary Clare and I had put up. He was truly a good friend.

"Are you okay with that…I mean, being class partners would be one thing. But this is filming a project outside of school hours. Filming about some sort of love at that. You sure you don't want to change partners?" Adam's words had hit me, though I know that I've thought them as well. But not for the sake of myself. For the sake of the one on the other end. I knew that Clare had a hard time still even being in the same room as I was after all I had done to hurt her. Now working with her outside would probably be too much for her. But after the way we seemed to get along, and I guess out of a bit of selfishness, I didn't have the heart to ask our teacher for new partners and I knew that she wouldn't want to switch up the groups that have now already started their work. So that was it. Clare and I were partners and we were going to have to be adults in this situation. Ignore any grudges and feelings and move on. And that's the discussion I had planned on having with her the following day when we were to work on our project at her house.

"Yeah," I half lied, not convincing Adam at all. "Besides, this could be a good opportunity. Reconnect. Become friends again." Adam rolled his eyes and turned the volume of the TV down, this conversation suddenly becoming more interesting to him than the fighting going on on the screen. But Adam knew me, and he knew the way I thought and the way I behaved in specific situations. Specific _Clare_ situations. And he knew that this was going to be hard for me. So being the friend that he was, his concern immediately sharpened as I tried to explain to him that everything was going to be perfectly fine even when we both knew, it really wasn't.

"Yeah, remember when you tried to just be friends last time? It resulted in her stealing my comic book in efforts to get your address to track you down. And you deciding to blow her off like she was someone you could care less about because you didn't know how to let her in." My heart sunk at his words, remembering the moment when Clare and I both realized that we couldn't be friends. If we were to both keep sane we had to take the relationship further. And that obviously resulted in where we are now. Going back would only kick those memories and feelings into gear, for me anyway. And that was going to be a sure struggle.

"It's not going to be like that, Adam. Besides, it's not like we have to kiss in this project. We can settle this as mature adults and put the project behind us. Once it's finished we can part our ways once again and-"

"And you can return to admiring her from afar?" Adam smirked and I punched his arm a bit. He let out a ringing laugh. "Seriously, though, Eli. Do you need any help? I can be there if you do."

"I need to learn to take care of myself without you picking up the pieces. Besides, I'm a lot better than I was a year ago and I can handle my emotions. Well, with the proper help of my medication. But really, it'll be better this time." The boy across from me smiled.

"I guess you're right. I just don't want you unleashing your wild side. Because remember, I have to deal with her too. And I can just see her waltzing into chemistry on Monday morning and sighing her little heart out confessing her angst. I've become her life-sucks-verbal punching bag and I want her words to be kind after this weekend."

I laughed at the description of his relationship with Clare. She did have a tendency of pouring her problems on the guy, but he never seemed to run away from it. He stuck with her. Because despite her complications, she was actually fun to be around. Once you got passed the drama that seemed to consume her little heart, there was sarcasm and depth to her that no one I feel has really ever noticed since they're too absorbed in gossip to get to really know her. But Adam and I had. And we loved every second hanging out with her in those days that we could. She was our rock in our shaky moments last year and she continued to be an anchor in Adam's life and journey. Kept him reassured that she respected him and looked at him for who he is and not how the world saw him. Kept him grounded. And I could tell their friendship had a solid foundation. And I really envied that. I wanted the friendship that he had with her. It came so naturally for the two of them. And I wanted to be able to fit back into that puzzle. And maybe, if I tried hard enough, this opportunity I had before me would be the perfect way to do so.

**Hope you liked it! Let me know what you think, I love the reviews, they make my day! :) **

**-Tressa**


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